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Are You a Victim of Relationship Deja Vu?

Janice Moss Blog Leave a Comment

Are you a victim of Relationship deja vu?

Does this relationship feel the same as all the others?

Are you continuously dating the same person?

Are you continuously dating the same person?

The truth of the matter is that we often date the same man/woman with a different name. The names are different, but they have many characteristics in common.  The way they make you feel is very similar and who you become in the relationship is also very similar.   It is the same relationship dynamics repeating themselves until you consciously change it.  Each time we get a little smarter and the dynamics are not as blatant, but the underlying emotions are still the same.  On the surface your partner may seem different, but when the characteristics, personalities, and emotions are reduced to the relationship common denominators, you may discover that there is something remotely familiar about your partner and the situations in the relationship reveal a pattern?  The person might look different, but when you examine the relationships closely you may discover that most of your relationships may have left you feeling exactly the same why.  Have your relationships made you feel emotionally similar?

How could that be?  It can be because people usually choose mates that will help them work out situations from the past, that plagues them.  Even though the people are different the underlying emotions, intentions and scenarios are the same.  Ask yourself, what emotions do your relationships usually leave you with.  Feelings of inadequacy?  Feeling unlovable?  Feeling abandoned and neglected?  Do your relationships leave you feeling abused and mistreated?  What do your relationships have in common?

Even though it is very important to realize the common emotional baggage that your relationships discard in your heart, the bigger question is where these patterns began?  Who else makes you feel the way you do in this relationship?  How can you fix it?  The first step is to go back to where these patterns first emerged, analyze the source and vow to stop playing out family drama in your relationships.  Start with the relationships and work backwards, ask yourself:

Sometimes your childhood patterns will keep you in a relationship loop where you choose partners who will help you play out your past trauma and drama

Sometimes your childhood patterns will keep you in a relationship loop where you choose partners who will help you play out your past trauma and drama

What were the major characteristics of your relationships?

How did he/she treat you?

How did being with him/her make you feel about you?

What was it about him/her that attracted you?

Have you had these feelings before?

Have you felt like this in any other relationship in your life?

Answer these questions honestly about your most recent relationship.  Then answer the same questions about the relationship you were involved in prior to this one and the one before that and the other one before that.  Now, answer the same questions about your relationship with your mother and your father.  Are there patterns emerging?  Trace the pattern to it’s source and address what you find.

Once you know what the problem is, solving it can be easy.

Once you know what the problem is, solving it can be easy.

Having this knowledge at your disposal will help you better understand your attractions, because sometimes people are attracted to the things and people who allow them to play out past family drama. Everyone has baggage that they are carrying from childhood.  It can only hurt you if it remains an unconscious pattern.  When you become aware of this common mistake you can change it and stop casting your romantic interests into the roles that help you to work on your unfinished business from childhood.  You can then choose a partner based on your adult needs rather than your childhood needs.  When you meet someone you have to ask yourself, if you are replaying past drama. Then ask yourself, what am I trying to heal from this relationship?  Why am I attracted to this person?  Your answers may surprise you

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